So, in anticipation of a new year and a clean slate I decided to order this book:
We bought these books last spring as gifts for the high school graduates we knew. I thought they were pretty neat. There are 365 questions, one question a day every day for a year, leaving you space to give a one or two sentence answer. The cool aspect of this is that you can keep it for 5 years starting again each year with the same question as the year before and see how your answers change over time. Given that it lasts 5 years, I figured it was perfect for the high school graduate as they could see how life changes in those college and career years after graduation.
After seeing them, I was a little disappointed that I did not get one for myself. Well, after my last blog post I decided this might just be the perfect time to remedy that and I ordered one. I figured, since the new year was beginning and I was returning to blogging it was the perfect time to get the book! While I like the simple method of journaling, I also thought the questions might provide me with blogging prompts.
Boy, oh boy. I had no idea what I was in for…
The book arrived yesterday and I was so excited to see it…opened (sigh)… and resting on the arm of my chair in the living room. I picked it up and promptly read the January 1 page.
My heart nearly leapt from my chest, and then promptly sank to the pit of my stomach. As panic washed over me, I read the question to the family in the room and promptly broke down, sobbing.
WOW! What is my mission? You sure don’t pull any punches do you “Q & A a Day Journal”? Let’s just jump right into the deep end! How am I supposed to answer that? I need clarification! Are we talking about my mission for the day? Week? Month? Year? Life? Oh please don’t mean life. I have no idea my mission. Not any more anyway.
Maybe it was all of the pressure to make the most of the clean slate we are given on the first day of the new year, or maybe it was because I had been awake since 2 a.m. for no good reason that brought about the panic and the meltdown. Maybe it is those negative voices that instantly chimed in to remind me of all of the missions I have set out on but not completed, my News Year’s goals for 2015 not withstanding. I only completed 1 of the 7 (learning how to mix drinks by the way).
It may also be my current state of frustration with how I am handling my many jobs…or rather how I am not meeting my own expectations as a mom, a wife, a friend, a 4-H leader and an employee but most especially as a wife and mom and friend. I feel like everyday I do the bare minimum, get up, go to work, make dinner, go to bed, repeat. Sometimes the dinner doesn’t always get made because I find it hard to find the time or the motivation to plan the meals. Shoot! Meal plans were what many of you came HERE for.
Or is it possible that I am overthinking it? Is it possible that I should have simply answered the question upon first sight? That I shouldn’t have looked at it until it was time?
Ding! Ding! Ding! I think I might be on to the reason for my anxiety. I’m taking this question to the broadest scope of it’s possible meanings and that can be scary. I don’t have to have a mission today for the rest of my life. Good grief! My life’s path stretching forward is going to take more directions than I can begin to fathom. Is it good to have some sort of idea how I want to be in this world going forward? Yes, I think that is reasonable, but even that is going to change with time. I need to calm down, accept my circumstances as they are now and act, instead of reacting.
As always, I know I am not alone in this. We all wrestle with the things in life that we let overwhelm us. The stinkin’ thinkin’ pipes up and takes advantage of our fatigued minds and tired bodies. We just have to take every chance we can to correct and combat the negativity. We also have to watch our own expectations of ourselves. Remember we are simply flesh and blood and we have limits. There’s a mission for you!
January 1, 2016: What is my mission?
Whew! One down! I’m afraid to turn the page…
To the young people who I gifted this book to last year, I’m sorry. I hope the other questions haven’t been this intimidating. Life is intimidating enough as it is. That said, I know each of you have what it takes to meet the challenges. We all do.
Update 1/2/15: I did turn the page and the question wasn’t nearly as terrifying. “Can people change?” My answer: Yes, I know I have. Life’s circumstances can change people profoundly.
Tomorrow’s question is even easier: “What are you reading?” This might not be such a bad journey after all!
If you are interested in a journal of your own, there are a number of versions available on Amazon.